Last night, I had a horrible dream. It was really weird. For some reason, I was accused of some kind of really bad academic dishonesty--the kind that resulted in me being kicked out of school and shunned like Hester Prynne. Everyone was SO nasty to me, and I had to keep telling people (the people who would talk to me, anyway) that I didn't do it and I had no idea what they were talking about. The whole time, I was pretty terrified and totally bewildered. All of my sorority sisters were there, and they didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was weird that they were there because it was like I was living my real life, like I was at law school, only everyone I knew--from home, college, and law school--was there. And, of course, everyone hated me. Everyone taunted me, calling me a cheater, and telling me how they had no respect for people like me. It was so confusing--and there was nothing I could do to make myself feel better because everyone had completely shunned me. I walked around the mall, and everyone I saw (and I happened to know everyone) turned away from me when I walked up to talk to them--even my best friends! They would go on with their own conversations and completely ignore me.
I went through most of the dream with a sort of defiant attitude; I knew I hadn't done it and I figured that eventually everyone would come to see that. I kept my head up high. But then, when I was at lunch with two other law school girls (who, by the way, I am not actually friends with at all), they admitted that THEY had committed the dishonest act (whatever it was) and that they had personally set me up to take the fall for it. They laughed at me and said that they knew everyone would assume that I had done it.
That was when I actually got upset. Knowing that I hadn't done it had been enough for me, but knowing who had done it--and that they had set me up on purpose, knowing what would happen to me--made me completely terrified. I knew I couldn't prove that they actually had done it, and there was nothing to be done for me at all.
When I woke up, I was very relieved to realize that it was a dream, and that I was back in my real life. It's no fun to have a nightmare, but every so often, its really cool to wake up and feel so totally and completely grateful for your real life. Andy was sleeping next to me and, in that moment, the insecurity and anxiety I felt in my dream melted away and I felt so completely happy about the life I live.
I'm a lucky girl. Sometimes, when I get stressed, its hard to remember that. But then I have a bad dream, or Andy says something sweet, or I find a really great pair of shoes at TJ Maxx (sometimes its the little things, you know), and I feel gratefulness wash over me. It's the best feeling.
The other day, Andy and I were watching Pawn Stars (he loves it; anything that is an outlet for totally useless knowledge is right up his alley) and a boy came in to sell this antique gun so that he could buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend. Here is a transcript of our conversation.
Katie: "I would hate to think that you wanting to buy a ring would make you sell something that meant so much to you."
Andy: "I wouldn't. I'd be getting something so much better."
I have to admit, my heart completely melted. The way he said it, totally in passing, like a statement that's completely factual, made it more special. It wasn't meant to melt my heart, it was an expression of his real thoughts. But it did melt my heart. It always does.
I don't hope that you have scary bad dreams any time soon, but I hope that you have a reason to sit back and think on your life and how lucky you are to live it.
Today, we're going for a ride in the new boat, the (John) Stamas, which just recently got a new engine put in it and will soon be ready to run lots and lots of fishing charters. Apparently it's going to be called the Hustler, but personally I think that's a silly name. Isn't John a better name for a boat that's called a Stamas? But apparently boats can't be boys, they have to be girls. Well, whatever.
After that, we're going to the Commodore Theatre, a movie theater in Portsmouth that's super duper old school (decorated with an art deco kind of motif) where you order food during the movie--we got a gift card for Christmas and have been really looking forward to date night. They only show one movie at a time, so we've been waiting for the right flick--today, we're seeing the Adjustment Bureau. Andy likes psychological thriller-type movies, and I like Emily Blunt. So it's a match well made.
Hope you have a lovely Sunday!
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