The other day, I found out that one of Andy's friend's dog's is preggo. It just so happens that, at this moment, the biggest dream of my life is to adopt a little yellow puppy and raise it to be my very own. Right now, I have four dogs in my life. Emerson belongs to my parents. Dutch belongs to Andy. Charles belongs to Brett. And Wilma belongs to Sarah and Kyle. Even though I love each of them, not a single one belongs to me or loves me best. I've been dreaming of adopting my own dog ever since I went away to college, but living in a dorm on campus wasn't the ideal way to do it. After all, residence life posted a bunch of posters in our college housing proclaiming, cleverly (or so they thought) that "if a pet is your wish, it must be a fish." Well, I kill fish. I need something a little more sturdy.
I still dreamed of a dog when I left to go to law school. Once again, a strict no-pets policy was in place. I would have moved, but, of course, being a woman alone and without a man with a truck to help me move, that was not really an option. So I waited. I found a webpage for a breeder that looked absolutely perfect, bookmarked it, and returned several times a week for three years to look at the pictures of the beautiful puppies that appeared there with each new litter. I resolved to adopt one as soon as I graduated.
Now, with less than four months remaining until graduation, a puppy is a possibility. I got all worked up about Andy's friend's dog, only to find out that the puppies are due in about two weeks and will be ready around mid to late March--far to early for a girl who doesn't graduate until May 14th. Andy told me never mind, he and his friend agreed anyway--a dog will become most attached to the most authoritative figure in the house. What he didn't say, of course, is what that means: the dog will never attach most to me. I'm not authoritative enough. He didn't mean to be hurtful; all he meant was that a dog, as a pack animal, responds to the pack leader. A dog tries hardest to please the pack leader. Now I sound like Cesar.
Today, in an expression of my own autonomy, I emailed the breeder that I picked out. Not the breeder that Andy suggested I use, but the one I have been looking at all through law school. Suddenly, though, I do feel less enthusiastic about it. I really, really wanted a dog that would come to me first when I called. Is it true that I'm not authoritative enough? What if I live alone while I'm raising Puppy? What if I stay far, far away from anyone more authoritative than me? Andy says he wants to do this together. Is it selfish if I don't? If I want to do it myself and, when Puppy fetches or sits or stays or rolls over or shakes, know it was me who made him or her able to do that? Authoritative or not, if I get Puppy, I want a chance to do this on my own. I want a dog that loves me most. I can be the pack leader. Can't I?
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