All Grown Up.....Maybe

Two days ago, I received what may have been the biggest insult ever.  And the worst part?  It came from a five year old girl I only just met.

She complimented my necklace first off, which, even though it was coming from a five year old, was nice to hear.  Whether the person who thinks you're stylish is five or fifty, it's still a compliment and it does give you little warm fuzzies.  So, I complimented her shoes.  They were sneakers almost like Chuck Taylors but with little rhinestones on the toes.  She said thank you, they are her twinkletoes.  I was instantly jealous, but we continued on with our conversation, her oblivious to the degree to which I now coveted her much-too-small-for-me sneakers.  Then it happened.

"Are you somebody's mommy?" she asked, smiling up at me. 

This, unfortunately, is a question I have heard before.  This past mother's day, I had several well-meaning older gentlemen ask me if I had any children and, if so, they wished me a happy mother's day.  I felt shocked at the time, but since then I have also had several people ask me where I'm in high school.  Still others have been confused and insisted that my younger sister is the elder (probably mostly because she is grouchy and bitterness does seem to be much more closely associated with older women than with younger ones).  I shrug it off and generally stroke my ego with the thought that, while I am neither in high school nor am I suffering from motherhood, I am at the exact age where it is impossible to tell for certain what age I really am.  Many people seem shocked that I am 24.  Still others seem to think that I am an appropriate age to be a mother.  I shudder at the thought.  Still, my conversation with this delightful child was far from over.  She continued on.

"Are you just a grown up?"

I almost choked.  Little girl, I thought, you have no idea how you have cut me to my very core.  A grown up??  When did I become a grown up?  I most certainly am NOT a grown up.  Grown ups, you see, have jobs and health insurance and 401(K)s.  Since I have none of these things, I cannot be a grown up.  I tried to explain these things to her.  Grown ups, you see, do not wear pink shoes.  Grown ups cut their hair short and do not wear Hello Kitty hair ties.  Grown ups are not in school and have investment portfolios.  They do not laugh when their friends use the phrase "pee out my ass."  They don't even HAVE friends who say things like that.  They all talk about weather and politics.  So, I cannot be a grown up.

I explained to her that I was not a grown up and, in my most lawyerly way, convinced her that I was, in fact, right.  Schwoo.  Victory!