Casual realizations of the week of November 1st:
1. It is generally a bad idea to use your empty soda can as a temporary trash can until you get up the energy to stand up and walk over to the real trash can. Sometimes you will forget that you have done so, wonder how much soda may be left in the can, and attempt to drink---sometimes with particularly nasty consequences.
2. Also, while driving long distances, you may be tempted to try to figure out a way to pee in the leftover drink cup sitting nearly empty in your cup holder. It is always so inconvenient to waste the time that it takes to take an exit, to find an appropriate place with a relatively clean bathroom, pee, and then find your way back to the interstate again. It's funny what you will consider when you are feeling particularly desperate. GPS travel has permanently altered my mindset on long trips. Glinda, my GPS, tells me when I am supposed to arrive at my destination and it makes me irrationally angry when a minute is added on to that time. I try to avoid this at all costs. However, for the aforementioned reasons, this is a bad idea. Disregard, and do not attempt to figure out a way to do this, no matter how many minutes it adds on to your travel time. (Don't worry--I followed my own advice in this particular instance because the possibility of an extremely nasty situation seems so likely.)
3. "I piss excellence," is an appropriate response in most situations.
4. Tang time is always a good time. I really enjoy its sugary sweetness and I can overlook the slight tinge of banana. Today at tang time, there were also coconut macaroons, teeny tiny cheesecake bites, and the standard flying WV cookies. Yum.
5. I wish my life was a musical. I would very much like to suddenly jump into the center of a group of people and dance my way down the hallway. It seems so much better than walking. This week's soundtrack song: Hall and Oates, "You Make My Dreams." Try it, see if you don't feel like dancing.
6. I am an advocate of being a bargain shopper. Before I buy something online, I frequently search for coupon codes. I also have recently discovered the benefit of coupon cutting. I always buy the products that get discounts with a grocery store MVP/VIP or whatever card and I eat or drink whatever is on special. However, that being said, there are three things you should never, never, ever consider cost when purchasing. These things are: (1) vacuum cleaners, (2) toilet paper, and (3) pregnancy tests. Spend the money on the trusted brand--you won't be sorry. Just because you can get some things at the Dollar Store does not mean its a good idea.
8. At least 75% of the things in my fridge are cheese products. The other 25% are condiments.
9. Old men are my demographic. It is always a good idea to make it a point whenever I am negotiating to address the oldest man in the room. This is a theory that has been reinforced throughout the years. At the risk of boring you, I will give one example to illustrate this point. Last summer, my sister and I were traveling home from vacation in Mexico. Our flight came in somewhere in the godforsaken midwest, and we were expected to wait through an overnight layover, sleeping on our duffle bags somewhere on the floor of the airport. Icky. I didn't want to. So when we got in from Mexico, there was a line of airline officials. I searched down the line, summarily vetoing every single woman or young attractive man, selecting instead a much older gentleman who looked a little stern. I saw through that facade, though, and sweetly asked if he could do anything to change our flight. After a few minutes of casual talk, he changed our flight without charging at all. My sister said it was masterful. Well, I have to admit, I do feel connected to the elderly. It's a gift. Be wary, though, if you choose to follow this course of action--the geriatric demographic has some downfalls, too. Sometimes they get a little touchy-feely. A slight hazard, I admit.
10. Every single girl in the world deserves a boyfriend like Andy. Okay, this realization isn't funny or even the slightest bit clever. But still, I sincerely hope that each and every girl in the world finds someone who listens to them complain, who makes them feel better whenever something goes wrong, who calls every night before bed just to say good night, and always says I love you. Every single girl in the world also deserves some chocolate, in some form, every single day, diets notwithstanding.
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